Have you seen 'Disclaimer'? - We need to talk.

Ladies, we need to talk.

Have you ever stopped to think about the layers of secrets we carry—for our families, our partners, even ourselves? Watching Disclaimer hit me pretty much sideways. The miniseries peeled back the layers, asking questions that felt very personal:

What does it really mean to love?

Does love require endurance, even at the cost of our own well-being?

And, perhaps most profoundly, how much of ourselves do we give away for others' happiness—and is it ever enough?

One line from the show refuses to leave me: “Nothing can atone for a wasted life.” It’s haunting. It’s honest. And it forces us to confront the cost of a life spent in silent service to everyone but ourselves.

For centuries, women have shouldered this unspoken burden—prioritizing family, partners, and children, often at the expense of our own dreams and desires. Disclaimer doesn’t just explore these sacrifices; it exposes the societal systems that make them seem inevitable. 

So, let's go. Because these are conversations we need to have.

The Secrets We (Women) Keep

At its heart, Disclaimer is about the secrets we hold—not for ourselves, but to protect those we love. I have at least two, and I've witnessed the matriarchs of my family carry a few. In tandem, they've become mine as well.

These secrets aren’t merely omissions; they’re shields, borne of necessity, to maintain peace in homes and relationships. Whether it's hiding pain to make others feel calm or setting aside personal goals to uplift someone else's, in Disclaimer, there's an embodiment of the quiet strength that comes with sacrifice.

Catherine's secret was that she didn't have an affair, instead she had been stalked and raped by a 19 year old, a devastating truth she chose to bury deeply. She did so to protect the fragile balance of her life: a husband grappling with his own insecurities, a son struggling with addiction and an inability to find stability in work or relationships, and colleagues who admired her professional success. Catherine feared that revealing this vulnerability would shatter everything she had worked to hold together. In her mind, exposing this part of herself would invite judgment and unravel the carefully constructed image she had built.

But the show poses critical questions:

Does this strength come at too high a cost?

How often do women sacrifice their own wholeness to ensure the happiness of others?

And, more importantly, should they?

The Cost Of Sacrifice

The show challenges us to examine the toll of these sacrifices on individual women and the collective female experience. What have women historically given up in the name of love, family, and duty? And in modern times, what should we refuse to sacrifice?

There’s a particularly thought-provoking sentiment in the narrator’s observation: “Men can be so fixated on the emotional barriers from emasculation that they'd almost be relieved to know otherwise.”

Catherine's husband was relieved to know that she was violated, over the possibility that she may have been pleasured by someone else.

This line flips the script, highlighting how societal expectations of masculinity can be just as rigid and damaging as those placed on women. While men may struggle with the fear of emotional vulnerability, women often shoulder the burden of smoothing over these cracks, often at their own expense.

Can We Be Both?

Is it possible for women to be both self-fulfilled and nurturing?
'Disclaimer raises the question of, how many pieces of ourselves can we give away before we lose the essence of who we are. And is there a way to love deeply without losing ourselves entirely? These questions resonate with viewers, prompting introspection about their own boundaries and sacrifices.

The show doesn’t offer easy answers, but it provides a mirror for us to examine our own lives. It asks us to consider: Are the sacrifices we make truly necessary, or are they born of societal conditioning? Are we living authentically, or are we wasting our lives in service of expectations that no longer serve us?

A Call To Reclaim Wholeness

As women, we’ve inherited a legacy of resilience, but resilience shouldn’t mean enduring pain for the sake of others. We can love without sacrificing ourselves. Our lives are worth living fully—not in fragments given away to others, but as whole, vibrant selves.

Reclaiming our wholeness starts with small steps: setting boundaries, voicing our needs, and embracing the idea that we don’t have to endure to prove our love. It’s about acknowledging the ways we’ve been conditioned to prioritize others and making conscious choices to prioritize ourselves, too.

Disclaimer may be a story of secrets and sacrifices, but it’s also a story of awakening. It’s a reminder that, while love may ask for compromise, it should never demand the forfeiture of our own lives.

So what do you think? How can we find balance between loving others and loving ourselves?