Learning To Embrace My Emotions

Growing up in the Caribbean, I’ve been spoonfed taboos about being “too emotional”. This societal stereotype that was also labeled as a sign of weakness, made many of us second guess our natural emotional being. If we're too emotional, we need to be tough to get by. We need to portray a cold and rigid front. Too much warmth and we might just melt.

We ladies need to stay solid, right?

That used to be me.
I'd feel happy and keep it to myself. I'd feel pain and push it down as deep as I could.

I came across affirmations a few years ago and, being me, I immediately looked up the worst-case scenario. Toxic positivity. Unrealistic expectations. Too much of anything can be harmful, especially when it comes to your mental health. I wasn’t about to take that risk, so I dismissed the idea instead of trying to find a balance.

Then one day, I saw a mom struggling with her son at Walmart. (I sometimes go there to clear my head and buy things that I don't really need.) Her kid was having a rough time—unbearable, I thought as an outsider. I couldn’t imagine how she dealt with those tantrums and the flood of emotions. I walked past and went on with my day.

Fast forward a bit over a year, and suddenly, I was that mom. Cue the dramatic music. My son—my own little guy—had so much to say but no words to express it. He just exploded, right there in the store. I froze and looked at him. I saw myself—my face, my limbs, my hands—struggling to find the right way to express what I felt, and a universe of frustration bubbling up. At that moment I realized that I understood that feeling all too well.

That's when everything changed.

I felt grateful.

In the middle of the worst tantrum was this incredible little soul, and I (with some help) had created him. I never thought I could procreate, and here was this beautiful being, my son. So I just held him, right there in the store, until he calmed down. At that moment, nothing else mattered except making sure he felt seen, heard, and loved. Because that’s what I’d want for myself.

As I’m writing this, I’m overwhelmed with emotion because the love I’m talking about is real. There aren’t enough words to express the gratitude I feel toward the universe, the gods, or whoever is out there making this possible.

I am emotional. I can be vulnerable, and that’s okay.

So here’s what I affirm:

I’m grateful for the love I’ve been given.

I’m grateful that this amazing little being chose me to be his mom.

I’m overwhelmed, and that’s okay—it will pass.

There’s no greater feeling than realizing I’ve accomplished something I once thought I never could.